I am reading this book called Sister Carrie for my fiction class. It's a 19th century story about a girl who moves to Chicago looking for a new life and work. As we were discussing the book in class tonight I realized, all this girls problems, the reason she isn't happy, the reason she goes from guy to guy isn't a desire for more money. It's a desire to know who she is. This girl, Carrie, is basing all of her worth off of what other people think of her. And because of it she is never happy. I brought this point up and my teacher asked, well does anyone actually know who they are? Is anyone actually really happy? And that's when it hit me. I really had never seen it so clearly or plainly before. Without Christ, it's impossible to have a clear picture of who you are. No one in my class could state where their identity was found. They didn't know. It broke my heart. They are so lost. They are confused and aimless. I wanted to share with them that I knew who I was because my identity is found in Christ. I wanted to share with them this amazing love that God has for each of them. That He burns with a jealous love for each of them. But I didn't. Jesus forgive me. You gave me an opportunity to share You and I didn't. Forgive me Lord. And give me boldness to speak when you say speak. Give me wisdom to know how and when to speak. I want to make Your name known. Let me never hinder the advancement of Your kingdom. Guys I want to let you know I have flaws. Not just that I am flaws and I am hurting and broken. But I have flaws. Christ loves me none the less. Even when I fail. So Jesus, forgive me for when I fail. And I recommit to sharing and spreading Your kingdom in all areas of my life. I want this world to know Your name. For the King. All for the King.
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October 2019
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