I'm not a kid anymore.
I just sat and looked at myself in the mirror for five minutes. Just staring. Wondering at the person I've become, wondering about the person I will be. Wondering what happened to time.
When did all this hair start to appear on my face.
That's the thing that's been getting me lately. No I can't grow a beard or any of that stuff. Oh how I wish I could. But I can't. But I do have facial hair. And as I see it on my face and I look at my jaw, and just the shape of my face, I feel like I'm looking at a stranger.
What happened to time? When did I become a college student.
I can remember as though it was yesterday my 6th grade jr. high retreat.
I remember putting candy, pickles, and a card in a girls locker for valentines day.
I remember my voice changing.
I remember playing the nasty drink game at lunch.
I remember sleepovers.
I remember the first coed party I was invited to.
I remember running into a door and getting a bump on my head.
I remember AIM.
I remember mybuddyprofile.com
I remember DaDateDoctor123.
I remember the plays I was in.
I remember standing up for Nathan on the playground.
I remember writing poetry.
I remember the song "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down being my favorite song.
I remember moving schools.
I remember California.
I remember eating lunch alone.
I remember being lonely.
I remember being so happy I would burst into laughter even when I was alone.
I remember just being a kid in everyones eyes.
I remember being a kid.
And I know I am still young. And someday I will look back on this and truly realize how young I was.
But I don't want to ever to wake up and be 50 and realized in my youth I didn't live because I was always waiting to be older. To have more influence, to have a voice.
What I say matters.
What you say, those thoughts you keep to yourself, the ones you wish you could tell others. They matter.
I want to be a writer. In fact I am pretty set on it. I want to travel and write. I want my novels to become famous. I want to inspire people. I want to tell people who they actually are. I want to be able to paint a picture on the canvas of people's minds. I don't want to wait till I'm out of college to get a book published. I want people to love my writing. I want it to draw people together. I want to have my own style.
My friend Laura gave me that challenge. For my writing to be known. To have my own style.
This blog, to a lot of you, it's just something to read when you are bored. But to me, this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to write. I want people to read my writing. I do want this blog to get huge. I want to have a massive following. I want to write books. Lots of books. I want to be in libraries someday. I want a best seller.
I know that some of you are thinking that these dreams are wild and far fetched. That the odds of this happening are slim.
But I would rather live a life filled with dreams then to slip into a lifestyle of being content with mediocrity.