I love hearing people's stories. I love knowing where they've been and where they've come from.
But when I ask someone their story the main thing I want to know is where they are now. Both in their struggles and triumphs. And it's probably the thing I hear the least.
But truthfully it's also what I share the least.
Since starting this blog I've realized somethings.
1. I have a lot of feelings inside of me that I thought were strange but once putting them out there I've seen that much of what I feel is common among humans.
2. I have a lot of feelings in me that straight up just strange.
3. I definitely should not be the voice for the masses.
4. And lastly, it normally takes me three or four tries plus the assistance of spell check to spell the word "definitely"
I think, at least for me, the reason I cop out and only share what God has done in my life is because it's a completed work. (at least in my eyes) It's easy to talk about the sin in my life God dealt with, because it's been dealt with, it's not a struggle in my life anymore. The past is distant. It's safe. It's all in the past.
But you know what is hard?
Sharing the fact that I feel like I've got nothing together. I'm still trying to figure out life, myself, and God.
And because of that I often will fail my friends, myself, and God.
I can't wait for the day when I can't relate with Gomer.
For those who don't know who Gomer was, pretty much in the book of Hosea (soo good) God tells Hosea to marry "an unfaithful woman" aka a prostitute. This was to give a picture of how Isreal had giving itself to a spirit of prostitution, they were running after all these unfulfilling desires, chasing after lovers and gods who would only leave them empty.
When I look at my life. I can relate to Gomer.
How often do I try to flee from God's grace and mercy and figure things out on my own. How often do I chase after my own desires rather than His.
And when I do I always am left feeling empty and wanting. But Christ's love is unrelenting. He is always pursuing my heart.
Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are about the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
Here's the thing. I wish I could tell you all that I've got everything figured out and together. I think we all wish that about life. But if I did probably none of you would read this. I'd be the most un-relatable person alive. I think that's something Christians have messed up in the past. We say we've got it all figured out. We don't. We are completely dependent on God. That's about all I've got figured out in life.
I'm in the middle of my story right now. I struggle with disobedience, discouragement, loneliness, anger, frustration, confusion, all right now. But I also have times of great joy, love, peace, patients, and goodness.
I'm in the midst of my story. And although it might be more painful to tell of all that is happening now, it might not always be as clear and hind-sight, and I'm almost sure it will be more challenging, I want to do that. Because the truth is, I need help. I wasn't made to do this alone. I want to share my journey with people, not just my story.