I shouldn't be allowed to go downtown.
See, I do this thing, where I fall in love real fast. I could swear to you I met my wife downtown today.
Fourteen different times.
I didn't keep bumping into the same girl, either. I met fourteen different girls who I would have gladly bent a knee to.
When I use the word "met" I mean it in its loosest meaning. I mean it as: We made eye contact.
The word "we" is also a loose interpretation which would be more aptly described as: I saw.
I don't know what is going on lately. But I've been really wanting a wife.
I'd be cool with skipping the whole awkward dating phase and just letting my parents pick someone for me. Or I could write up an application, people fill it out. I review some files. You know. That might work too. But I think the idea of a wife might be nice.
I think I feel this mainly because of the fact that lately... lately I've been lonely. I go through these phases, where I just need someone to be there, when it's 2am, to just go get a donut or a chocolate shake or watch stupid movies that we know every line to. And I have friends that would be willing to do that, but there are two problems.
1. My friends need sleep.
2. They don't live with me so I can't just go wake them up and make them play with me.
I love the idea of marriage. I love the idea of the dependency of marriage. Knowing that when you wake up, at 4am dying for a snack, that you'll have to try and get out of bed quietly because you don't want to wake them. Or the idea of waking up early to make breakfast so that they can eat it in bed.
Because what's better than bacon?
You are probably racking your brain right now trying to come up with something but nothing is coming to mind, yes? Well here's the answer:
Bacon in bed.
I want to be able to give that to someone. I write far too many poems for whoever my future wife is going to be. And in the mean time, when I'm no where ready for any type of relationship, I get lonely. And I just kind of want to skip all the getting ready parts.
That's a problem I have. I make all these huge plans and I just want to skip to the plan. To being there or doing that or it, whatever it is. I forget sometimes that the waiting, that's when God is working in me and preparing me.
In September I am heading to Hawaii to work for an organization. I want to just be there. I've wanted to just be there for a long time. But I have to sit back and realize that God is doing a work in my life now. He isn't just sitting around waiting for an opportunity to move in the fall. He's ready to move now.
I'm not ready for the move to Hawaii yet. I'm certainly not ready for a spouse. I'm still just a kid who is still amazed at the fact that there is hair growing on my chest. I wake up in the morning and ask God for better facial hair. I cut my own hair because I don't have the money to do otherwise. If I don't wash my face I get acne. I have bad breath in the morning. I eat gummy vitamins by the bottle full. I eat Cheeze-Its till I can't swallow. Then I wash them down with Sanpellagrino. I love candy and movies. I could eat pizza and cheesecake everyday of my life. It wouldn't get old.
I'm still very much a kid. I want to arrive so badly. But first I just need to be patient and let God work in me while I'm still getting there.
I'm still getting there. I'm very much a work in progress and I'm no where near being even close to being ready.
I don't have a lot to say, but I am learning, that the journey, although it has got its ups and downs, it's not too shabby. And when I sit back and listen, I hear the still small voice of God, and I see Him moving and working. And that my friends, is exciting.