Going to college, with my mom.

We all want to be known. It’s simply just a matter of how or to what extent. I am sitting outside my class waiting for it to start, my first day at college. This is not how I thought it would be when I was a kid. I always imagined going off to college.

Right now I am about 15 minutes from home. I drove here with my mom.

We have the same schedule on Mondays.

I don’t bring that up because I am embarrassed or anything. I love my mom, she’s awesome, Emerson once said, “Men are who their mothers made them.” She’s made me an awesome guy.
But driving to school with your mom isn’t exactly how we all pictured going to college.
But alas onto the real question of this blog:
How will I be known? Will I be known? At most, actually at all public schools I have been to I have slipped into the crowd, not in a I follow the crowd kind of way, more like a, I am another face in the crowd that no one knows their name.

I want to be known. I want to have friends.

This past week almost all the people I care about the most left for college. Some didn’t go that far away and I can still visit them. But I feel really lonely right now. I feel like a failure.
See the thing is I am at a community college. Not exactly what awesome people do right?
It’s stereotyped that people who weren’t smart enough to get into a four-year school go to community college.  I try to not let what I think people think of me bother me. But when your friends are all going to really nice expensive four-year schools, it’s not easy.  When you are in a room of people going to Harvard, Yale, Cal, LMU, USC, Miami, Vanderbilt, Johns Hopkins. It’s hard to say, I am going to Harper Community College.

But the reason that I think it’s hard to say that is because I do not know who I am.

I want to be known by others so badly, I care about what people think about me or say, but that is all just a sign that I do not understand who I am. I don’t realize that I am a beloved child of God. If I did it wouldn’t matter what school I am going to, it wouldn’t matter what people said behind my back. I would be able to be fully confident in my identity in Christ. Jenn Arnspong has been slapping me in the face with the truth that I do not get it lately. I truly am thankful for that. Thank you Jennifer.
I want to know who I am. I want to know what the Person who created me thinks of me. I want to see myself through His eyes. I can’t love people unless I see more of His love. It just isn’t possible. We love because He first loved us. That’s what it comes down to.
God show me what You think of me. Show me what You think of others that I meet. Show everyone who reads this what You think of them. Jesus I love You, let me love You more.

I will end with this.

Go Harper Hawks.