"But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." 

You don't get this next part from normal translations, but I think it's The Message that puts it best:

"... then Jesus dropped the mic and walked off." 

Living in the Middle East I get a lot of questions about ISIS and the situation going on in the countries surrounding mine. 

Apparently the general public believes that proximity lends itself to greater knowledge. However, my sophomore year Chemistry class has disproven this theory. Thanks for nothing Daniel Kim. 

Right now I'd love to write a post about the Church, persecution, and what Jesus says about it all. But I'll save that for later. Right now I want to write about something I heard. 

I was talking in a group of Believers when this subject got brought up. 
"[ISIS], every one of those men... if you can call them that... deserves to all burn in hell." 
This person said this amongst a group of Christians and got a resounding response of complete agreement. 

 And although technically there is nothing untrue about what they said, I feel like they missed something. See the thing is that I deserve to burn in hell too. I don't deserve God's grace. I don't deserve the spot of authority He's given me. I don't deserve to be called a child of God. On my best days, I'm really just like them. The best that I can do on my own... I deserve exactly the same as them. 

I don't think Jesus would have looked at them and said, "You should burn in hell!" I just can't picture Him saying that. I see Him reacting instead in radical love. I see Him still choosing to lay down His life for them, just as much as He would for me. Without any hesitation. 

See that's the thing about this radical love. It doesn't hesitate. It doesn't wait for a response, and it doesn't ask the question, "are you worthy of this love?" It doesn't care about the response at all, it simply loves. 

When St. Francis of Assisi was alive, the Catholic church was set on wiping out the Muslims. The crusaders went forth "in the name of God" to kill them Muslims. On the other hand, Francis crossed into those enemy territories and asked to speak with the Sultan. He spent weeks with him, sharing the love of Jesus and simply and truthfully loving him. The Sultan was so moved by this man's radical love for his enemies that he asked him to settle and stay with him forever. Francis said he could only stay if the Sultan would choose Jesus. To this the  Sultan responded that his spiritual leaders would never allow it. And this is the part that gets me. Francis simply says, "Then build a fire, I will walk into the center with all of them by my side... Whoever comes out, that is the God we will serve." 

This man loved his enemies so deeply he was willing to lay down his life for them. 

In the face of pure hatred, torture, the almost certain possibility of death, Francis choose love. This man knew the Lord's heart for the lost. 

A couple weeks ago I led a prayer night and the subject was ISIS. 

Very few times have I felt the Lord's heart so clearly and tangibly.  At one point we had Abu-Bakr's picture on the screen and we all stood in the gap and prayed for this man's salvation. By the end of our time almost every single person in the room was in tears. The Lord was moving powerfully and revealing a much needed truth to us all.  

The Lord loves this man. The Lord deeply loves Abu-Bakr. 
He is not too far gone. The Lord doesn't want to see this man burn, the Lord longs for this man's salvation. 

Us condemning our enemies and saying what they deserve does absolutely no good. It only fuels hate and the mentality that it's "Us vs Them" 

"...love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." 
"...love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." 
"...love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." 

So this is my request: 

Would you pray for ISIS with me? Would you stand with me and contend for the salvation of Abu-Bakr? Would you choose love instead of hate and fear? 

I see the world inverted 
My brain picks things up 
Makes them upside down 
So I can see things right

I see it in shapes in varying shades of bent light
Cutting and curving through the cells that float invisible between us. 
Trying to break their way into this vault of mine.
Waves on an ocean I can only dream of. 

I see a list of impossibilities. 
This mirror that stands a broken six feet tall in front of me. 
It's filled with them. 
Geometric shapes and sizes,
Organized to construct constructs 
That I've built up in my mind. 

I so badly wish I could 
Break down the walls that stand between us.

So much of myself has gotten between us. 
So much of who I say I am stands opposed 
To who You call me. 

So give me a little grace if I forget at times. 
Because I forget at times. 
Who I am. 
I remember who I’m suppose to be. 
People tell me all the time. 
But sometimes, I forget who I am. 

I forget that no matter how many ocean, 
Or how much dirt I try to bury myself in, 
You still call me by the same name. 

Who I am depends so little upon who I am 
And so much more upon who You are. 

But You know me, I get impatient. 
I’ve been waiting to arrive at a point that I’m starting to see 
Doesn’t actually exist, but rather it’s a countinual event. 
It’s more than a destination for You, 
It’s more of a journey. 

And this journey has had it’s ups and downs. 
I’ve been filled with questions and doubts, 
Confusion and anger. 
Hurt. 
Disgust. 
Sorrow. 
Depression.
Joy. 
Hope. 
Disappointment. 
and
Wanting. 

And through it all. I see faithfulness
Scribed on my spine 
And sewn into the fabric of my knees. 

Without You I’d unravel. 
You are the tension that keeps me together, 
Strong without breaking, 
Loose enough for grace, 
Not to be mistaken for slack.
You have drawn me out, 
Leading me homeward. 

Tie a knot on the doorknob. 
Mark it with scarlet. 
Bring me home. 
Meet me in the field, 
Put You hand on my heart.

Take my word. 

I don’t bring with me many gifts, 
But this heart of mine, beating in my chest, 
Off beat and off kilter at times, 
This muscle that pushes life through me. 
I give you till it stops. 

Till this conductor of mine grows cold, 
I give you:
Everything that I come with, 
Each bag, memory, thought, vision, sight, taste, and word. 
I break myself at Your feet, 
Knowing full well I’ll never be worthy, 
Knowing I can't earn this,
But being fully confident You’ll accept me, 
Because You are. 
I know who You are. 

You are I Am, You say I’m Yours.
So I must be worth it. 

You and I. 
We are not so different. 
Our roads not so foreign to each other.

We are made up of the same DNA. 
Our blood beats through the same heart. 

We share the same stories 
But by different names. 

We our sinners saved by grace
Our sins have had different names at times,
I was a murderer, You were a prostitute. 
He was an addict, her- a liar, that one was a thief. 

But really, we are all just sinners. 
Our stories, they are not so different. 
They all share the same chorus. 

"Amazing Grace, How sweet the sound, 
That saved a wretch like me. 
I once was lost, but now I'm found. 
I was blind but now I see."

And what I see standing here in front of me, 
A church built from broken bones and shattered hearts.

A beautiful masterpiece of failures, 
A symphony of let downs. 

All I see is:
Grace
Mercy
Forgiveness
And Love

I see a Father chasing His son. 
A praying mother. 

I hear a song of redemption, 
Echoing off the stone walls of this crooked city. 
Even the rocks are crying out. 
The trees clap their hands. 

It's a beautiful mess of a song, 
Mixed with more languages than I can count. 
And praise the Lord English isn't the main one. 

It's one body. Spread over thousands of miles 
And millions of years. 

A church of forgotten prison clothes, 
Humming a chorus to our Father. 

"Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound."

the memory of you 
burns like something fierce 

whiskey and tobacco  
suites and future trips 

chess and libraries 
stories without endings 

haircuts and horses 
it burns like something fierce 

An out of tune flute
A worn down key
And a mystery 

Beauty sits four seats down
She carries with her the weight of the world 
And the grace of Venus

Her fingers dance between the strings of an unwritten song
Her voice is lost in the sound of a silent wind
She writes secrets and hides them in folded poetry 

She is a forgotten story
A memory that gets better with time
The faint recollection of a dream 

What wonders are held between that vail that sits over her bones
And what curiosity lies in her shoes 

--- 

Yet another moment lost to inaction
A future unwritten or explored
Simply due to those seven steps
Those four words
That one action

Now it's just another story left
On the opening line 
The title page
The thought of an adventure
The reality of fear

Regret. 

What do we do with regret in the face of an eternal God who has forgiven us of everything that separates us from Him? 

What do we do with wrong choices. Ones that we feel carry with them so much weight. Ones that we look back on and think, "what if I had just never..." 

It's so easy to hold onto past choices and think about every other outcome that would now be a reality if only... if only I had done this, or didn't do that, or waited an extra year, or minute, or day. What if.... What if I hadn't moved, or I did. We play the situations over and over again trying to make the best choice with hindsight as our only reference. We hold onto our mistakes and the regret that attaches itself with it. 

But here's the thing: When I think about an infinite God who sent His only Son to die in my place, I don't see much room in that equation for regret. I don't see much room in there for me dwelling on what I did wrong. When I think about that, I hardly find room to think about myself at all. 

See the thing about regret is that what it really is, is us focusing on what we did wrong rather than what God did for us. It's Him saying, "I forgive you." and it's us responding with, "But LOOK at what I did! And look! If I had just done this..." 

It's us saying that we could have fixed the problem. It's really just the fruit of pride coming out. 

And maybe it's not always about what we could or should have done. Maybe it's just regret that adds weight to our souls. Like lead stuck itself to us and just slows us. 

Equally I see no spot for regret. I see a God who is begging us to forgive ourselves because He did long ago, and He simply wants our thoughts to aline with His. I see a God who calls us to live as people who are redeemed, not stuck in thoughts about their old ways. 

I've been going back and forth lately over and over again about choices I've made. Decisions that now have set a direction for my life, and it's easy to question if they were right or not. But when I take my eyes off of me, even for a moment, I see a much bigger picture being painted, and I see that, yes, my choices very much have consequences, some good and some bad, but I see a God who named Himself Love, and I see He's still very much in control and not afraid. And I don't find much room for regret. In the face of eternity, I don't find much room for regret. 

I just see You. Calling me. Beckoning me forward. 

I don’t want to wait for 
Birthdays or earthquakes
To tell you how I feel.

So I will write out my heart 
As best as my blood and tears can manage,
Forgive me if I’m not always clear at times
Sometimes I’m not always clear at times.

I’ve written poems 
For a wife I do not yet have;
Stories for children 
Someday I hope to know,

But these are miles down the road,
Moons and suns away.
I will have to travel many paths 
Before I stumble across that one.

I’ve had to stumble across many paths.

I used to think I carried the world 
On my shoulders,
And that if I stumbled and let it slip 
Everything would come undone 
And crumble to pieces.

The thing is, I stumbled, and slipped, 
And I crumbled to pieces;
But you all were there to pick me up.

But you weren’t just some pick me up. 
Here today and gone tomorrow, 
Always wondering when you’d 
Make your way back into town like the circus.

You were there for me. 

From summer grill outs
Where we thought it would never end,
To midnight kidnappings, 
Frostie runs and driving for hours, 
A hundred games of madden, 
And cheesecake multiplied by three, 
Always baking in your kitchen, 
The Saturday brunches, 
And Monday night TV.

You were there for me. 

A thousand thank-yous 
And a million tulips couldn’t do my heart justice.

Out of two decks, 
I came up aces eight times over. 

So thank you, eight times over again. 

Well. That was quite the break. 

My bad. 

Turns out the last time I wrote something on here was February. And turns out I still can't spell February without the help of spell check. 

I'm an absolutely horrid speller. Without spell check, I'd be lost. Actually I was. There was about a month when my spell check didn't work on my computer. I had to either change everything I wrote to the vocabulary of a 3rd grader, or I had to google how to spell each word. I wasn't the most proficient typist back then. 

For a long time I was pretty self conscious about my spelling. It was kind of embarrassing. 

I also have very hairy legs. Another trait I used to be embarrassed by. 

The weird thing about my legs is, it's just them that are hairy. I'm not a hairy person. No back hair, minimum chest hair, stupid patchy facial hair. 

I once had a nickname of Mr. Thumnus. 

I sweat more when I know I'm going to be around a girl I like. True story. I also drop about 30 IQ points. 

Sometimes when no one is home I go into the bathroom, look in the mirror and test out new characters that I make up. A few nights ago I came up with a great substitute teacher. 

When I go to the bathroom and it's in close proximity to people, I'm very self conscious that they'll hear me peeing. Thus I try not to pee into the water. Then I get scared they'll think I am just in there looking at myself in the mirror or something. It's really a lose lose. 

Sometimes I think we take ourselves too seriously. All this stuff used to matter to me. I used to legitimately get worried about sweating around someone I liked. Or anyone actually, which only lead to more sweat. I used to hide my spelling tests at school and throw them away right away because I always used to fail them. I thought about trimming my leg hair to make it less noticeably overgrown like it is. (I still hate peeing around people so I won't comment on that in the past tense)

I think we've all got these things that we try to hide from other people. Things that we don't really want to let out because then people will see us and we know we are. Not all the cool stuff we try and let people see or notice. But guess what. 

You, you are a wonderful individual. With every single one of your strange, funny, weird, fears and quirks. You're wonderful! And I've found the more we actually open up the more we notice that we aren't that strange after all. And all these strange parts of us are actually pretty common. Including the peeing thing. My friend Jeremy Head has the same fear. 

You're not as strange as you think you are. And you're way more incredible than you do.  

Alabama: We’re skeptical of you. That’s entirely dude to the fact that you still love the confederate flag so much.

Maine: You’re that girl Kevin Arnold from the Wonder Years meets on the beach on his family vacation. They fall in love and kiss. Then she only writes one letter. Yeah, that’s you.

Utah: You’re the only state with the idea to make your basketball team about music. Not going to lie, that was an interesting choice.

California: We love and hate you. We love going to you, bragging to our friends that we went to Hollywood over spring break, Sea World, Disneyland, you know, all of it. But we hate you. Just because.

Florida: Who couldn’t love Florida? Our grandparents live there. You give us oranges. The only thing anyone could hold against you is the Buccaneers.  

Illinois: Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? Thou art more lovely and more temparate. In fact, you’re better than that girl Shakespeare was trying to impress.

Kentucky: There’s a rumor on the winds that our second cousins live in you. Despite your closeness we don’t know much of you, besides the fact that you make it into our March Madness brackets every year. You are the final frontier. Maybe. We don’t really care enough to learn more about you.

Massachusetts: You’re that state that people forget about. One of those states where your cities are more well known than you. Illinois feels for you.

Missouri: We’re kind of confused why anyone would name a state that instantly makes you think of the word misery. Maybe you’re lacking something in the brain that other states have. Besides Alabama that is.

New Hampshire: I feel as though all politicians live within your boarders. Obviously this cannot be true. But maybe you are a state that breeds presidents? Again wrong, you’ve only born Pierce. He was mediocre at best. You are that popular mysterious kid at school. Who once you look at you find out is pretty boring.

North Carolina: If I had to pick a state to tar and feather. It'd be you. Also I hate the Tar Heels. Whatever that is.

Oregon: We like you. We’ve kind of got a crush on your woman, and we’re jealous of your mens beards.

South Dakota: If you succeeded from the union no one would care.

Vermont: We hear Vermont is beautiful this time of year. What with all the snow and all. Our mothers love White Christmas. We love you. But no one’s actually gone to you.

Wisconsin: You’re lucky my friends from school all have lake houses there. Because otherwise my state would beat you up and put you in a locker.

Alaska: There’s a strong chance you’re a myth. No one we know lives there. No one’s from there. And nothings there. Also if you had all this so called oil. Why do the prices skyrocket all the time when there’s unrest in the middle east. Thanks for nothing Alaska. You had one job!

Colorado: You’re freaking sweet. Remember that Christmas break trip my family and I went on where we skied on you mountains. That was awesome.

Georgia: Any state with a peach on their license plate must be gay.

Indiana: You just want to be like Illinois. You even copied our shape. We don’t mind. We’re flattered, we really are. But you guys are starting to get a big head and think you’re better than us. Let’s not forget where you stand. Below us. In our shadow. Just remember that. Also you stink.

Louisiana: You’re an ugly shaped state.

Michigan: Ode to our cousin across the lake. We love you. But hate every one of your sports teams. But not as much as Wisconsin so you’re alright in our book.

Montana: I think I drove through you once on a road trip out west.

New Jersey: You don’t have the best reputation. We know it can’t all be true. But we totally believe it.

North Dakota: We aren’t sure which one of you has Mount Rushmore. But  we don’t really care. It’s stupid. You can leave with your little brother South.

Pennsylvania: You’re lucky you’ve got sweet history. Moreover you’re lucky I enjoy history. Because if I didn’t...

Tennessee: I feel like you’re that state that had a crush on my state growing up but it never got talked about. And now we’re just friends.

Virginia: If this was the 1800’s and I loved tobacco I would love you. It’s 2013, you have nothing to offer. Keep with the times a little. You’re glory days are behind you.

Wyoming: You’re that really attractive girl. From a far. But then you meet her and all she eats is oats and leafs. And she doesn’t shave her legs. Also she hates candy. Who hates candy?

Arizona: It’d be a cool state, if people didn’t go there just to die.

Connecticut: You’re too intelligent for me. Senior year of high school you decided to take AP Chem for fun.

Hawaii: Who doesn’t love Hawaii? Florida. Because they’re jealous. But they’re stupid. We love you.  

Iowa: Let’s just say I’m glad the Mississippi is between us.

Ohio: Drew Carey once had a TV show based in Cleveland, Ohio. I hated that show. It was always on when I got home from school. Ohio, you’ve contributed nothing good to my life. Ever.

Rhode Island: I’m simply going to comment on the interesting choice of name. Mainly due to the fact that most of your state is indeed lacking the qualifications of being an Island. But who am I to judge.

Texas: Arkansas had nice things to say about you. But most of the other states weren’t really as taken with you. We get it, you’re big. But Alaska is bigger.  speaking of Alaska, you’re another state whose kind of let us down on the whole “oil” frontier.

Washington: You’re that guy in class who makes really funny jokes. But only to the people sitting around him. Then someone steals your jokes and passes them off as their own. Don’t worry. We know you’re funny.

Arkansas: You’re the person who steals Washington’s jokes. You piece of crap.

Delaware: If I was forced to compare you to a superhero’s girlfriend I’d say you’re Gwen Stacey. Smart. Attractive. Easy to talk to. Pretty much out of my league. But your dad is a jerk.

Idaho: I appreciate the potatoes. I really do. But come on. What is this Ireland? You can only eat so many potatoes.

Kansas: You are to Illinois what Anne is to George Michael. We love you. But no one understands why.

Maryland: Interesting choice for a college mascot. A turtle. I bet that really inspires the troops!

Mississippi: You’re fun to spell, I’m not going to lie. But right now if I had to choose between keeping you apart of this country or a pan of hot brownies and ice cream. I’d pick the latter.

Nevada: What are you doing with yourself? You’re like my neighbor down the street who started building a shed and then stopped after a week. You can’t just make two cities in your state then quit! Come on man.

New York: All the other states just like you because you’re rich. They’re just using you. No one really likes you. Besides Jay-Z. And I’m not convinced that’s not just a marketing scheme.

Minnesota: You got lost in the woods a long time ago and never really came out. We’re glad you people stay up there.

Nebraska: You have a college there. You’re called the Corn Huskers. I think you lack confidence. And rightly so.

New Mexico: You’re claim to fame is the fact that High School Musical was based in New Mexico. But even the directors of High School Musical thought New Mexico was too boring. They filmed it in Utah. You need to get yourself some hobbies.

Oklahoma: I’m not going to lie. We are all afraid of you. Me and the other 48 states talked. We’re afraid of you.

South Carolina: I’m not sure if in James Taylor’s mind he had gone to North or South Carolina, but if it was you. We’re ok with you.

West Virginia: Like most of the elements in the Periodic table, I don’t really know what your purpose is. I’m sure some people know. I’m sure you have one. But I don’t know. And to add to that. I don’t care.